The Lifegiving Woman

Declare Dignity

A homeless man, God, and treating others as if they matter.

By Tammy Hanson Maltby

Featured in Today's Christian Woman Sept/Oct

 

Declare Dignity

I assume he was homeless, though I don't really know. All I know is that he was shaggy and dirty, and he was knocking on the door of the Gold and Silver Buyers office where I work.

Buying precious metals is a new and fascinating experience for me. My friend Tom Davis has been setting up stores in our area as a ministry-based business. When he asked me to help, my response was, "I don't know anything about gold and silver—except that I like them!"

Well, I know more now, and I thoroughly enjoy the business. I meet people from every walk of life, and every one of them has a story. But I never had a homeless guy as a customer—until now.

Respectful Response

I spotted him through the glass door, standing with a friend, smoking a cigarette, and holding up something for me to see. Per our security setup, I had to decide, as I do with every customer, to buzz him in or not.

I had a sense of peace about this man, so I let him in. His friend stayed outside.

He smoothed his hair, walked over to the counter, and showed me what he had in his hands: a little locket that looked as though it had been run over by a car.

"I'd like to sell it," he said. "It's silver, miss."

I looked at the locket. Probably silver, but very small. My newfound expertise told me it was worth about a dollar.

I opened my mouth to tell him so, then shut it, feeling the need to pay attention to what God wanted to do with this encounter. And the words that became clear to me in that moment were, Declare dignity to this man.

Declare dignity. That's what so many of us need, isn't it? The dignity of knowing that we matter to God and to others, that we're taken seriously. The question, of course, was how to declare dignity to this man in this particular moment. I didn't have an answer, except to treat him the way I would treat the customers who come in with thousands of dollars' worth of jewelry. They're hungry for dignity too.

Sensing God's Presence

"Sir, I have some cookies and water. Would you like some?"

Surprised, he answered, "Thanks." He walked to the nearby table, took several cookies and a bottle of water, and returned to the counter.

"Can you tell me about this piece of jewelry?" I held up the mangled little piece.

He shrugged. "I found it. Thought it might be worth something."

"Well, let me see what I can do for you." I searched for marks and weighed it. "This is sterling, but it doesn't weigh much. I could give you, hmm, three dollars for it."

"That would be just fine."

I counted out the money, and he picked it up from the counter. I held out my hand to shake his.

Click here to Ccntine reading: Todays Christian Woman

James and Betty Robison and Life Today!

Hello Friends!

I wanted to share some of the interview I did with Randy Robison with Life Today TV. Life Today

I will also be on Life Today with James and Betty Robison tomorrow Tuesday September 8th. I hope you will join in and share the lifegiving message of The God Who Sees You! Life Today with James and Betty

Every Person You Meet 

 

Jesus called it the Great Commandment—to love God with all we have and to love our neighbors as much as we love ourselves. But it’s not always that simple, is it? Some people are easy to see and to understand, easy to love. Some people invite our compassion and make us want to reach out. But what about:

•     that woman at work who just won’t stop talking.

• the pushy phone solicitor.
• the guy on the corner, holding up a “will work for food” sign.
• the tattooed, pierced teenager hanging out at the coffee shop.
• the kid who beat up your kid at school.
• the ditzy teen who just cut you off in traffic because she was texting.
• the frumpy, middle-aged woman ahead of you in the grocery line.
• the woman at the rest stop that you suspect is a prostitute.
• the young man with Down syndrome.
• the old woman with Alzheimer’s.
• the guy who stole your identity.
• the IRS agent who audits you.
• the self-righteous Christian you encountered at the church you’ll never, ever visit again.
• the out-of-control young mother you had to sit next to in the emergency room.
• the rude clerk who messed up your bill.
• the hotshot who always manages to make you look bad at work.
• your friends when they get involved in their own lives and neglect you.
• your mother when she’s being needy and demanding.
• your father when he’s being stubborn and dictatorial.
• your husband when he’s acting clueless.
• your wife when she just won’t let it drop.
• your children when they push every button you have.

Every encounter with another human being brings a test. And with some of them, the test is really a challenge. Will we choose to see this person as God does? As our neighbor? As someone to love? Can we really get it through our heads that God sees every person we encounter exactly the way He sees us?

Each one was created in the image of God and bears a divine spark within him or her.

Each one is a sinner—just like you and me.

Each one has been sinned against—just as you and I have—and bears the scars of that sin. Each one suffers and struggles in ways we probably don’t know.

And every single person you and I meet is someone Jesus died for. Someone God loves passionately. Someone He wants to provide with a future and a hope.

Can you get your mind around that? Can you manage to look that way at every single person you meet?

Probably not. I know I fail at it all the time.

I have absolutely no difficulty seeing my husband or my kids and grandkids or my brother and sisters that way. (Well, most of the time.) But seeing people as God does becomes an uneasy choice when it comes to the people who make me uncomfortable. People who push my buttons. People who are tiresome and boring. People I don’t approve of. People who intimidate or hurt me. People I fear. People I just can’t stand.

I’m sure that’s true for you, too. So how do we learn to see those people as God sees them?

First, I’m convinced we won’t be able to manage it until we understand how God sees us. We can’t love others unless we know what it is to be loved. And we’re going to have a hard time seeing others unless we take it to heart that our heavenly Father takes notice of us and cares for us.

Second, I’m convinced we need to depend on the Holy Spirit within us to show us what we can’t easily see on our own. Our human empathy and understanding can only go so far. We need Christ within us to be able to see with God’s eyes.

And we won’t get it perfectly, of course—not here on earth. Just as we can only see God through a fog, we’ll always struggle to see other people clearly as well.

But every time we manage it, each time we shift our perspective to view another person the way God sees him or her, a little miracle happens.

Maybe even a big one.

 

Adapted from The God Who Sees You by Tammy Maltby (with Anne Christian Buchanan). Copyright 2012 David C. Cook. Used with permission. Permission required to reproduce. All rights reserved.  The God Who Sees You

Confessions Of A Good Christian Family

What Sin Does to our Families

The older I get, the more I find myself grieved by the way sin distorts and disrupts human lives… especially by the way it perverts the good gifts of God. And family has to be one of God’s more inspired gifts. From the beginning, it’s been part of His provision for our comfort, for help, for safety and intimacy. He intended it as a laboratory for learning, an organized and protective structure where his people could help each other, support each other, learn from each other, experience intimacy. He even modeled it in his own being—the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit—all fulfilling different roles but living and working together in unity. (Have you ever thought of the Trinity as a working family?)

Then sin came along. And I’ve told my children again and again—also, sadly, shown them vividly—sin never affects just one person. Just as sin corrupts individual lives, it warps whole family systems (and nations)—causing them to either fail in their purposes or perverting those purposes to cause actual harm.

God made family as a place of emotional closeness and safety, where men and women and children can have their physical and emotional needs met, where we don’t have to be alone. Instead, we use our closeness to wound each other, exploit and abuse each other, to take out our pain and alienation on those who have chosen to love us and, even sadder, those who have no choice but to live closely with us.
God set up family as a forum for teaching and transmitting information and knowledge—including knowledge of him—from one generation to another. Instead, we pass on habits of blame, anger, laziness, abuse, addiction…from one generation to the next. We teach our children how to lie and keep secrets, to live in shame. At the same time, we fail to pass on important truths about God…or we load these truths with such pain and emotional baggage that they are distorted in the transmission.
God gave us roles and structures to help us work together in harmony, to balance and complete and help one another, to work together in unity of purpose. Instead we live together in chaos and confusion. We lord it over each other, rebel against one another, sneak and manipulate, lock ourselves into power struggles, even use coercion and violence against one another. Or we may we fall into that familiar dynamic of tearing each other apart, then just as fiercely defending each other against someone on the outside.
God also created families as strong, resilient, self-protective organizations. (He invented family dynamics, remember.) But under the influence of sin, that self-protection turns into denial and secret keeping. We internalize our shame, cover up our collective sins, hide what we really are from outsiders or even ourselves. We do our best to present a strong, happy, united (and good Christian) face to the world.

And what about the church?

 The family of God? God created families to live in close fellowship with Him and with others—families gathered together in community, ministering to one another and reaching out to bless the world. Jesus founded his church on the family principle, insisting that those who share faith in Him are related more intimately than even those who share blood.
But our Christian communities and organizations so easily fall victim to the same sinful dynamics as our families do. At worse, we succumb to pride and hypocrisy. We concern ourselves more with preserving our witness and our influence than with confronting our relational realities. We practically idolize “the family” while putting up stumbling blocks for real, hurting families in our midst.

This is exactly what Jesus nailed the Pharisees for doing—accusing them of being “whitewashed tombs…filled with dead men’s bones and everything unclean” (Matt. 23:27, NIV). Sadly, it still happens in our Christian communities . . . except we often like to pain our whitewashed tombs with the label of “good Christian family.”

It really is a mess, isn’t it? Sin always makes a mess.

Aren’t you glad sin never has the last word with God?

 

It Begins with You
But what does all this have to do with you?
If you’re a Christian and you’re in a family…or from a family…or want to be part of a family…it has everything to do with you.
If you’re a Christian son or daughter, brother or sister, husband or wife (or ex!), parent or grandparent, aunt or uncle, grandchild, niece, or nephew…it has everything to do with you.
In fact, it begins with you.
Chances are it’s you as an individual who is reading this blog. It’s you as an individual who grapples with sticky or confusing family issues. You as an individual who wonders if you’ll ever be free of the family secrets and family-related shame that make you mutter, “I wish” or “Yeah right” when you think about your picture of a Good Christian family.

If you’re like so many good and sincere Christian people I know, you’re wrestling with genuinely tough issues:

• How do I honor my parents when my parents beat you or neglected me. . . or worse?
• How do I live in peace with brothers and sisters who manipulate and criticize me—or worse?
• How do I raise up children the way they should go when they defy me at every turn?
• How do I respect a husband who spends entire weekends in a LazyBoy…or love a wife who is angry and resentful?
• How do you hold a family together through a bankruptcy…or a sexual addiction…or the death of a child…or years and years of no communication and simply growing apart?
• How do I deal with the shame and disappointment of realizing my actual family doesn’t even come close to the family I always wanted…not to mention what God expects?
• How do I possibly share the realities of my home . . . or my financial circumstances . . . or my marriage with all those good Christian families in my church?
• How do you I counsel and support for my family-related pain without feeling I’m exposing or betraying the ones I love?
• How do I love my family when I feel like I don’t have any love left in me?
• How do I cope with my feelings of family shame…and the fear that others might condemn me because of it?

We all need grace.

And by grace I mean more than mercy, more than kindness.

I mean our Lord’s ability to change those things in our world that are totally beyond us to change.
His ability to make straight what once was crooked.
His ability to restore righteousness where sin once reigned and establish his kingdom in the very midst of a fallen world and society.
His uncanny, almost unbelievable ability to heal distorted family legacies, to bring function to the dysfunctional, to bind up the brokenhearted (Isa. 61:1) and heal the seriously messed-up—including our family failures, our complicated issues, our generational nightmares, our impossible relationships.

To do now what he promised to Abraham so many thousands of years ago and kept reiterating over the centuries—to make your family and my family a blessing to the world.
It’s hard to believe, I know. Hard to trust when you’ve been hurt or disappointed…again and again.

Hard to peek behind the good Christian family façade.

But we serve such a loving, merciful, eternally able God. He can do so much with our families, no matter how faithless, failed, fallen, fractured—or fearful—they are. And whether or not they fit your particular community’s or church’s or society’s picture of a Good Christian Family.

It may not always work the way we think it will, however—or the way we think it should.

Sometimes the process of healing takes years or decades of pain and struggle. Sometimes it takes generations. God’s grace doesn’t negate the consequences of sin, and it doesn’t guarantee the restoration of specific family units or relationships. And it certainly doesn’t keep us from failing again…and sinning…and letting our particular family dynamics transmit and exacerbate and protect that sin. Yet if we look for it, if we keep listening for God’s voice in the middle of our messy family realities, we discover that His amazing grace is always there for us, moment by moment, moving us forward toward healing and redemption for our beloved, fallen families.

Word of Grace: Never forget—God loves your family more than you ever can. He specializes in blessing the world through the messed-up and the brokenhearted. Trust him.

 

 

Tammy Maltby the author of The God Who Sees You (with Anne Christian Buchanan). Copyrighted material. Used with permission. Permission required to reproduce. All rights reserved. 

http://www.amazon.com/The-God-Who-Sees-You/dp/143476799X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1342027875&sr=8-1&keywords=tammy+maltby

When You Can’t See the God Who Sees You

 It happens, you know.

You can do everything right. You can ask God to reveal Himself, can believe that you will see Him, can stay alert and look for God in every corner of your life. You can choose, to the best of your ability, to have eyes to see and ears to hear and a mind to perceive the God who sees you.

And sometimes it just doesn’t work—or it doesn’t work the way you expected.

And there will still be times, sometimes long periods of time, when you just don’t see any evidence that God exists, much less that He’s close to you and working in your life. When everything looks ordinary or everything looks awful or everything just goes dark. When you’re stuck in some waiting room, wondering if your heavenly Father even knows you’re there.

What’s the problem? There are many possible reasons—some you can control, and some you can’t:

• You’re only human. Living in a flesh-and-blood body—complete with hormones, hungers, emotions, and physical/emotional illnesses—by definition clouds our spiritual eyesight.
• You’re too close—or, more accurately, God is too close for you to perceive Him. As Leonard Sweet puts it, “Jesus can be so close (‘closer than a brother’) to us it is like asking a bird to see air or a fish to see water.”*
• Your faith is faltering. “Without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him” (Heb. 11:6).
• Sin gets in your eyes. Sin (your own or others’) brings with it selfishness, pain, anger, rebellion—all of which can blind us to the presence of God in our lives.
• You’re determined to do it your way. Rebellion, disobedience, and willfulness all constitute a special variety of sin.
• It’s all about you. Self-focus may be blocking your ability to really see things as they really are. All you can see is how people and events affect you, which is never anything close to the real picture.
• You’re hanging on too tightly. Your need to control what is happening in your life might keep you from recognizing and accepting something new that God is doing.
• You’re busy and distracted. It’s easy to move so fast and make so much noise that you just can’t notice God’s quiet coming.
• Your expectations are too narrow. Like the people who demanded specific miracles from Jesus, you may be expecting God to show up in a certain way and refuse to recognize His presence in any other form.
• You’re forgetting what He’s already shown you. You’re not taking account of meaningful times in the past when God has been close and real to you.
• You’re in denial. You can’t see God because at some level you’re refusing to recognize some basic dynamic in your life (such as an addiction or a problem you need to solve). You can’t see God accurately because you’re closing your eyes to something in yourself.
• Fear skews your vision. The emotion of fear—or stress, anxiety, or depression—can keep you from seeing clearly. You may also be a little “resurrection phobic”—nervous about the power of the living God in your life.
• Double-mindedness makes it hard to focus. Wanting more than one conflicting thing (like God and money) may be keeping you from focusing clearly enough to see Him.
• Tears blur your sight. If you’re broken emotionally, you may have difficulty seeing things clearly, at least for a while.
• You’ve got a pride problem. A proud person is always looking down on things and people. And when you are looking down, it’s hard to see Someone who is above you.
• God chooses to remain unseen. The Bible makes it clear that there are times when God hides Himself from us, for reasons of His own.

Perceiving God’s presence, remember, isn’t always our choice. It’s always God’s prerogative to reveal Himself to us or not. And sometimes, He chooses to hide Himself.

When that happens, we’re left with a completely different set of choices.

We have to choose how we’re going to live when we can’t see the God who sees us.  

 

Adapted from The God Who Sees You by Tammy Maltby (with Anne Christian Buchanan). Copyright 2012 David C. Cook. Used with permission. Permission required to reproduce. All rights reserved. 

http://www.amazon.com/The-God-Who-Sees-You/dp/143476799X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1342027875&sr=8-1&keywords=tammy+maltby

* Leonard Sweet, Nudge: Awakening Each Other to the God Who Is Already There (Colorado Springs: David C Cook, 2010), 75.

 

God sees you my friend. Pass it on.

God is deeper than all your disappointments, failures and discouragements.

He is the God who steps in and delivers.

 

The Discipline of Restoration

Do not pity the dead, pity the living and above all those who live without love"

- Albus Dumbledore

What does it take to move forward after a time of trauma and crisis? In my experience, it takes both grace and discipline. Restoration is truly a gift of God, but it also requires effort and intention on our part. They are deliberate choices that really make a difference. The following “disciplines” have helped me tremendously as I tried to recover from devastating difficulties in my life:

• Discipline #1: Hope. The discipline of hope involves saying yes to your restoration and actually asking for what you need. It also involves choosing hope as an attitude when it’s far removed from what you’re actually feeling.
• Discipline #2: Trust. It’s always a conscious choice, a true discipline, to remember what you know of God’s character and to hold on to the reality that God sees you. During hard times, it’s even more of a challenge, but it’s the key to experiencing God’s comfort. The Psalms often speak of God as a refuge, a hiding place. But you can’t experience this great gift unless you choose to trust Him.
• Discipline #3: Waiting and watching. This involves listening in stillness, waiting on the Lord, trusting His timing, actively looking for the signs of His presence and His activity. . . . For me, this kind of watchful silence is sometimes the most strenuous discipline of all.
• Discipline #4: Honesty and transparency. In the aftermath of trauma, that could mean shouting at God and telling Him how you feel. It can mean refusing to put on a happy face or . . . insist that everything is all right when it isn’t. There are certainly times when you need to control your feelings for the sake of others. But your restoration absolutely depends on finding a place to confess your honest thoughts and feelings—at very least, in prayer, in a journal, or with a few friends who are close to you.
• Discipline #5: “Controlling the wild horses.” I love the way my friend Emily Davis, who has endured more trauma than most people I know, describes this. She’s referring to that tendency we all have, but trauma victims have more than most, to let our “vain imaginations” run away with us (see Romans 1:21–22 KJV). If we give in just a little to fear and panic and worry, those emotions can quickly take control of our lives. So while we need to be honest with our feelings, we also need to be alert to the ways our thoughts can run away with us and learn to rein in the runaway thoughts.
• Discipline #6: Obedience instead of instinct. Our instincts can serve us well in the early moments of trauma. A “fight or flight” response could actually save our lives in an accident. But as we move from survival toward restoration, our instincts can begin to get in the way of what God wants to do with our lives. Your instinct may be to pull away and withdraw when you need to press in to relationships. . . . Because I am an active, “can do” type of person, I tend to rush in instead of waiting on God’s timing. But I’m learning (slowly!) that obedience sometimes has to trump instinct in this, too. We have to act on the light we’re given, do what we know to do. And all this takes both courage and discipline.
• Discipline #7: Forgiveness. This is perhaps the most difficult of the disciplines … and the most healing. It’s not something you can accomplish all at once or something you can do without God’s help. But the more you move toward forgiveness, the more you free yourself to move forward in your life.
• Discipline #8: Gratitude. This means simply looking for signs of God’s presence in our lives and resolving, by an act of will, to give thanks in all things (see 1 Thess. 5:18). Doing this even when it feels forced or artificial has a way of opening our eyes and shifting our perspective to see what God is doing.
• Discipline #9: Modeling faith and integrity. This absolutely does not mean faking a faith, covering up doubts, or sacrificing our integrity to our witness. But it’s good to realize that the way we live our own restoration can have a powerful impact on other people’s relationships with God. The more honestly and trustingly we can walk, the more integrity we manage, the more we confess our mistakes but accept forgiveness … the more others will be blessed and helped, and the more full our own restoration will be.

 

Adapted from The God Who Sees You by Tammy Maltby (with Anne Christian Buchanan). Copyright 2012 David C. Cook. Used with permission. Permission required to reproduce. All rights reserved.

A Miracle You Choose

 Several years ago I conducted a television interview with a man who was struggling with cancer. I asked him a fairly typical Christian interview question: “Are you trusting God for a miracle?” And I have never forgotten his reply: “Tammy I’ve learned that sometimes the greatest miracle is just a perspective change.”

That man said a lot of insightful things that day, but it was that one phrase that kept echoing in my mind. It’s still echoing, in fact, because it has proven true so often in my life. I’ve learned never to underestimate the power of changing the way I see. And I’ve come to believe that often in our lives, we won’t be able to perceive the God who sees us until we’re willing to see things differently.

I believe it’s perfectly possible to spend an entire lifetime looking at ordinary things and events—family, friends, fear, and disappointments—and never have the smallest hint that God is there or that He is active in our lives.

It’s easy. Happens all the time.

It’s possible to look back on a life—all the things that have happened up till now—and not see any kind of pattern. It’s also possible to look into the future and see more of the same. It’s even possible to have an occasional glimpse into another dimension, a one-time spiritual awakening, then lapse back into the ordinary and never really be changed.

But here’s the alternative: We can choose to spend life in the same circumstances, the same places, among all the same people, and continually be struck by the wonderful truth that God is there, that He’s in control, that He loves us and is aware of us and wants us to be part of what He’s doing in the world.

There’s a kind a miracle, in other words, that we can choose. We can choose the miracle of a perspective change.

Does that mean that seeing God is just a matter of personal choice?

Not exactly.

It’s always a little difficult to sort out what we can choose and what we can’t choose in this life. Theologians have been trying to sort it out for centuries, juggling concepts of God’s sovereignty and human free will, delving into the mysteries of what is up to us and what is up to God.

It’s a mystery, a paradox—that God is in control of the entire universe, yet He gives us freedom of will. And that paradox is fully in play when it comes to seeing God.

Because ultimately, it is God’s choice to reveal Himself to us.

But we must choose to see what God reveals. We must have what the Bible calls eyes to see and ears to hear and a heart to perceive what the God who sees us is doing in our lives.

 

Adapted from The God Who Sees You by Tammy Maltby (with Anne Christian Buchanan). Copyright 2012 David C. Cook. Used with permission. Permission required to reproduce. All rights reserved.

 

You can't spin God.

Here’s something I’m finally getting through my head after all my years: You can’t spin God.

You can’t manipulate the way you come across to Him, putting a carefully calculated foot forward. You can’t give Him a little bit of you and make it look good or acceptable and then tuck the rest away.

We all do that with other people. Some of us do it a lot. We manipulate the way we appear to people or even to ourselves, doing whatever we can to make ourselves look a little better than we are or a little more clever, a little more selfless or a little more cool. We may even “’fess up” to a smaller sin in order to hide something even deeper.

Sometimes we do it on purpose. Sometimes we do it by reflex and don’t even know what we’re doing. All too often, we even manage to fool ourselves.

But none of that works with God because He sees beyond the spin. He looks right through the image you project to others and even—maybe especially—the lies you give yourself and the issues you may not recognize.

Right through to the person you really are.

“For God sees not as man sees,” the Bible tells us, “for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart” (1 Sam. 16:7 nasb).

That means there’s no use even trying to pretend with Him. In fact, the more you pay attention to God and the closer you draw to Him, the more you’ll learn about who you are and who you can be—because God sees your complete self and can reveal it to you. He can shine His light on the hurt places and the sin places, revealing in order to redeem and to heal.

Jesus did exactly that in the Gospels. He looked at people and cut through their hypocrisy, their self-protection, their fear and confusion and delusions. Again and again He put His finger not only on who they really were, but on what they needed most.

When the scribes and Pharisees tried to trick Him with their questions and accusations, He punctured their pretenses, revealing their pride and spiritual bankruptcy.

When the rich young ruler asked what he needed to do about eternal life, Jesus cut right through to the man’s weak spot: his materialistic values (Mark 10:17-22).

When the Samaritan woman at the well misrepresented her family situation, He zeroed in on her brokenness, her loneliness, her troubled past. As she later related to her neighbors, He “told me everything I ever did.” Then He offered her what she needed most: the gift of Himself (John 4:1–42).

And later, when Simon Peter loudly proclaimed His love and loyalty—“I’ll never betray you!”—Jesus gently skewered his bravado and predicted His friend would do exactly what he never wanted to do (Matt. 26:31–35).

It’s not a comfortable thing, being seen as we are, without spin, without pretense. It can be embarrassing, humiliating, even devastating. And some people, like the Pharisees, just can’t take it. But being seen as we are can also be liberating, once we realize that the God who sees us as we are also loves us exactly as we are.

When we’re so tired we can’t think straight.

When we’re worrying about finances or obsessing about a dinner that needs to go just right or so furious we just can’t keep our mouths shut.

When we do a hard thing and fall on our face or want to do the right thing and don’t quite manage it.

When we quietly serve others, then grumble because no one notices.

God sees it all. And none of it changes the way He looks at us.

And He knows who we can be and who He has created us to be.

Adapted from The God Who Sees You by Tammy Maltby (with Anne Christian Buchanan). Copyright 2012 David C. Cook. Used with permission. Permission required to reproduce. All rights reserved. The God Who Sees You

You’re on His radar all the time.

God Is Mindful of You 

I’ve heard people say, “God has enough to worry about without paying attention to my little problems.”

Don’t believe it.

The “God is too busy” idea is a misconception that keeps us from understanding how God sees us. It assumes that God is limited in His attention span, His energy, His capacity for love. And everything I read in the Bible, everything I experience when I keep my spirit open to my heavenly Father, convinces me that’s just not true.

Clearly God is God. He’s perfectly capable of keeping the universe on course and still knowing and loving you intimately. Don’t let yourself fall into the heresy that God is too busy or limited or indifferent to be concerned with you personally.

The Bible says specifically that the Lord is “mindful” of us (Ps. 103:14). That He is thinking about us. He remembers us always. That He watches over us tenderly and never slumbers or sleeps. . . .

That means God knows what’s going on with you 24-7. You’re on His radar all the time. Even if no one else sees you, God does. In fact, He knows every detail about you. Like a doting mother or a passionate lover, He has you memorized. The Bible says God even keeps track of every single hair on your head (Matt. 10:30). So of course He knows about your food allergies and your tendency toward depression and your imperfect body. Even the things that annoy you about yourself or pose serious challenges are part of the entire package God sees and notices and loves.

God is intimately aware of everything about you—every detail.

You never stop being on His mind.

I came to understand this more completely recently because of a little experiment I tried while I was caring for my grandson, Cohen. I happened to be reading a passage from the book of Isaiah that speaks eloquently of God’s mindfulness:

I will not forget you!

See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands. (Isa. 49:15–16)

I looked down at Cohen. And then, on a whim, I grabbed an indelible marker and wrote his name on my own palm. I would never have guessed how often during the next few days that I would look down and see that baby’s name! I’d be reminded of how I love him, how special he is. Most of the time I’d take a quick moment to pray for him. He was constantly on my mind—just as each one of us is constantly on the mind of our heavenly Father.

But God doesn’t just notice you. He doesn’t just keep track of what you’re doing. He also delights in you (Ps. 149:4). He truly thinks you’re wonderful. He’s proud of you.

Think of the implications of having a heavenly Father who sees you this way. He celebrates you and actually enjoys your company. He loves the sound of your voice, recognizes your walk, and chooses to be near you constantly. He loves to spend time with you and loves for you to spend time with Him, both alone and in the company of His other children.

And this is crucial to remember: There is nothing you can do to change the way God sees you. Nothing you can do to make Him love you any less. When you rebel, when you forget Him, when you get lost or fail—He doesn’t stop desiring you or delighting in you.

He is the God who sees and is mindful of you.

Log on you youtube to watch the new video trailer for The God Who Sees You! http://youtu.be/fy8iK2PCnOA

Now available at Amazon.com  The God Who Sees You! 

Adapted from The God Who Sees You by Tammy Maltby (with Anne Christian Buchanan). Copyright 2012 David C. Cook. Used with permission. Permission required to reproduce. All rights reserved.

 

The God Who Sees You...Gets It

“You just don’t get it!”

Ever hear that from the mouth of a teenager? Back when I had four of them in the house at once, I heard it a lot—often punctuated with the slam of a door or a toss of the head. My son and daughters all had times when they were convinced I had no clue what they were going through or what their lives were like.

And you know what? In a way, they were right. I had forgotten a lot about what it was like to be young—to obsess over grades, walk the popularity gauntlet at school, and experience my first heartbreak. Plus, some of the things my kids experienced were just not part of my world when I was their age. Drugs and alcohol did not figure into my daily school reality. I had no cell phone, no pressure to be bone thin, no parents walking through divorce. Internet porn didn’t even exist when I was a kid.

The truth is, understanding what my kids’ lives were like required a huge effort of imagination on my part, plus a fair amount of research. Sometimes I succeeded in “getting it,” but often I didn’t—and my kids knew that.

Have you ever felt that way about God? Have you ever suspected that He just doesn’t get what it’s like to be you?

It’s one thing to be seen. It’s another thing—a wonderful thing—to be loved. But can an all-powerful, purely good God truly appreciate what it’s like to be human—subject to sin and sniffles, dirt and disease, pushed around by our hormones and our families, vulnerable to grief and pain?

Can a perfect Being understand what it’s like to be far from perfect?

He certainly understands the limitations of our bodies because He made us in the first place. “He knows our frame,” the psalmist insists. “He remembers that we are dust” (Ps. 103:14)—or, as Eugene Petersen translates, “that we’re made of mud.” God’s well aware of our physical limitations, our emotional shortcomings, the way our histories and our choices have limited or even crippled us. And somehow, under it all, He sees potential. . . .

But God did so much more than understand our limitations. . . . God actually chose to become human—which means He really gets it.

He actually put on skin and flesh and became what we are. We call it the incarnation. The coming of Jesus.

When God chose to be born on earth as Jesus, He accepted the reality of nerve endings. He learned what it was like to need sleep, to be hungry, to be lonely and disappointed. He experienced life through the five senses. He heard children laughing and maniacs screaming. He gazed at dancing flowers and leprous feet. He reveled in clean, smooth linen and felt the stab of thorns on His brow. He enjoyed the salty tang of fresh-caught fish and tasted vinegar from a sponge. He inhaled the smell of bread baking and the unmistakable stench of death.

Jesus laughed. He wept. He knew what it was like to live in a human family, to be held in a mother’s arms and looked up to by little brothers and sisters and supported by loving friends. He also knew what it was like to be hated and rejected by others for doing good. He knew what it was like to feel forgotten and ignored and invisible.

And yes, He knew temptation, too. The Bible says Jesus was “tempted in every way, just as we are” (Heb. 4:15). He knew what it was like to feel the pull of the flesh, to want to give in to selfishness or pride or lust or just plain weariness, to want to take the easy route instead of the right one. Even, perhaps, to be disobedient to His calling.

“Tempted,” the Bible says, “in every way.” Jesus’ decision to turn away from temptation, to show the world it was possible to be human and not sin, came with a mighty struggle. He knows firsthand what it means to wrestle with weakness.

And if God didn’t get suffering before the incarnation, He certainly understood it once He became human. Fear, anger, hunger, thirst, suffering, even death—because He chose to become human, God has experienced it all.

He’s the God who gets it, who can love us from a place of true understanding.

Adapted from The God Who Sees You by Tammy Maltby (with Anne Christian Buchanan). Copyright 2012 David C. Cook. Used with permission. Permission required to reproduce. All rights reserved.

 

Why We Long for God to See Us

Not long ago, I accompanied a friend to the hospital for surgery.  After she was wheeled away, I began talking with one of the nurses. Somehow the conversation came around to the nurse’s brother, who had been killed in an accident three years earlier.

Like most untimely losses, the brother’s death had dramatically disrupted this woman’s family. Her mother still struggled with bitterness. Her parents’ marriage had faltered. Her baby son, born two weeks after her brother’s death, would never know his uncle.

Soon my new friend was pouring out her heart to me. And at some point I shared with her something I had been thinking about a lot.

“Do you understand that God sees you in all this?” I said. “He really sees—”

I hadn’t even finished the sentence before she started to weep. She cried so hard that another nurse walked over to see if she was okay. She was completely undone at the thought that God saw her pain, her fear, her broken heart. She kept saying through deep sobs, “He sees me? He really sees me?”

That was just one simple encounter, one more reminder that the message of the God who sees you is one that needs to be shared again and again—with those who don’t know the Lord and with those who do. There’s a reason we hunger to be recognized, acknowledged, appreciated, and cared for. There’s a reason our hide-and-seek life—yearning to be found by God, yet fearing it at the same time—leaves us feeling so bruised and unsatisfied. It’s because God has intentionally and wonderfully created us to see and be seen, to live in intimate and joyful relationship with Him and with others.

More important, He put that need in us because He wants to meet it. He’s put the longing there to draw us closer to His heart.

We hunger to be seen—because He really does see us.

The challenge is to really believe it … to live in the confidence that we are recognized and accepted and included and, most of all, loved.

Can you do that? Can I?

I’ll admit I’ve had my struggles, but I can honestly say I believe it with all my heart. Here’s why.

First, the Bible tells me so, and the Bible has proven a reliable guide in my life. The whole sweep of the Bible can be understood as the story of a God who saw His people, even when they couldn’t see Him. A God who came to earth and paid special attention to the unnoticed—the meek and the mourning, the children everyone turned away, the powerless rather than the ones on top. A God who cared so much about what He saw that He came to earth in human form, turning hide-and-seek into the ultimate show-and-tell.

But I also believe because God has shown me, again and again, in the circumstances of my life. He has shown me through the whisper of His Holy Spirit, through the timing of my experiences, through the love and example of other people and the mysterious provision of what I have needed most.

I’ve seen too much evidence not to believe God sees me. I’ve been loved too much not to make it the story of my life.

I want it to be the story of your life as well. I want it to change everything, including the way you look at God and yourself and other people. I want you to live in confidence that when God looks at you, He sees beauty. He sees value. He sees hope. And even when you’re hiding, even when you’re so beaten down you can’t see anything clearly, He’s still hard at work, crafting a beautiful future of relationship with Him and with others. . . .

That’s . . . my personal witness as someone who at times has felt forgotten, uncared for, unloved, invisible. I truly believe I have a word from God for those lonely, aching times in your life.

The message is this: Regardless of how you may feel, God does see you.

He knows your name, and He loves you—passionately and tenderly.

He sees your needs, and He yearns to fill them.

At any given moment, even when you feel most alone, He is working out a plan for your future. . . .

One way or another, one day soon, you . . . will be able to say, thankfully, “I have seen the God who sees me.”



Adapted from The God Who Sees You by Tammy Maltby (with Anne Christian Buchanan). Copyright 2012 David C. Cook. Used with permission. Permission required to reproduce. All rights reserved.

What God Sees in You

There’s a scene in the movie The Joy Luck Club that I have always found very moving. Based on a novel by Amy Tan, this film tells the story of four Chinese-born women and their American-born daughters.

One of the daughters, June, has always felt she’s a disappointment to her mother, Suyuan, who suffered greatly as a young woman in China and made many sacrifices to give her daughter every advantage. June feels especially uncomfortable when compared to Waverly, the brilliant, confident, and highly successful daughter of Suyuan’s best friend.

These feelings come to a head one evening at a dinner party where Suyuan serves her famous steamed crab dish. During the dinner, Waverly openly belittles June, and Suyuan fails to come to her daughter’s defense. Later, when June and her mother are cleaning up in the kitchen, June finally blurts out her pain: “I’m just sorry that you got stuck with such a loser, that I’ve always been so disappointing…. My grades, my job. Not getting married. Everything you expected of me.”

“Not expect anything,” her mother answers. “Only hoping best for you. That’s not wrong, to hope.”

Then June’s pain just overflows. “Well, it hurts. Because every time you hoped for something I couldn’t deliver, it hurt. It hurt me, Mommy. And no matter what you hoped for, I’ll never be more than what I am. And you never see that, what I really am.”

Her mother just looks at her for a long minute, then removes a jade pendant from around her neck and hands it to her daughter. “June, since your baby time, I wear this next to my heart. Now you wear next to yours. It will help you know: I see you. I see you.”

Then she goes on to talk about the dinner they just enjoyed: “That bad crab. Only you tried to take it. Everybody else want best quality. You, you thinking different. Waverly took best-quality crab. You took worst. Because you have best-quality heart. You have style no one can teach. Must be born this way.”

She looks deep into her daughter’s eyes and repeats: “I see you.”

And by that point, any mother would be weeping, any daughter moved—because that scene so beautifully depicts the transformative power of being seen. You can see it on June’s face—the powerful internal shift as she begins to see herself and her relationships differently.

There’s something about being seen, really seen, that changes everything, because it changes the way we see ourselves—just as knowing we are seen by God makes all the difference … unless we, like June, get the wrong idea about how our heavenly Parent looks at us.

It’s so easy to do. We get mistaken ideas and feelings about what God expects of us and about the way we measure up to those expectations. And those mistaken ideas and feelings hurt us. We feel forgotten, or worthless, or like failures. We’re sure we don’t measure up, that we’re not enough for God or anyone else. We may know we’re loved and forgiven, but we still feel like a disappointment to God.

That’s why we need the powerful message of how our heavenly Father really sees us. We need to open our eyes and hearts to the person God sees when He looks at us. Because the more we come to see ourselves through God’s eyes, the closer we’ll move toward becoming who we were really meant to be.

 

Coming soon...to be released April 1 2010! Adapted from The God Who Sees You by Tammy Maltby with Anne Christian Buchanan. Copyright 2012 David C. Cook. Used with permission. Permission required to reproduce. All rights reserved.

A Christmas Epiphany

God’s appearances are never command performances.

Our ability to perceive Him is always a gift. He initiates those moments when, for no reason we can fathom, the veil that keeps us from seeing the unseen realm is pulled aside. The clouds lift from the mountain. Our perspective shifts, and we see things the way they really are. What seemed distant or theoretical seems suddenly real. Or we suddenly know something to be true that we could never even have imagined.

Has anything like that ever happened to you? You might not have seen a light or experienced a vision. But maybe you’ve had one of those moments when everything seems to come clear and you suddenly understand something in a whole new way. When you find yourself newly and intensely aware of God’s presence. When you are granted the gift of peering past the veil and you just know you’ve encountered the God who sees you. Something clicks in your mind and soul and spirit, and you suddenly think, Yes!

It’s called an epiphany moment. And if it has ever happened to you, you know what a true miracle it can be.

It happened to me about this time last year, while I was sitting in the car with my daughter Mackenzie.

 

Actually, the whole thing started several hours earlier, when I realized with a start that it was December 22 and I hadn’t even begun to prepare for Christmas.

This was not normal for me. I love Christmas, and I usually start my preparations early. But this year Christmas had sort of been pushed aside by a family wedding. And I suddenly realized I had only forty-eight hours to make Christmas happen—shopping, wrapping, cooking, everything. I was feeling like a failure before I even started.

That’s when Mackenzie called. “Mom, I’ve got to go to Target this morning. Do you have time to go with me?”

Yes! I thought. Perfect timing. I could take care of my to-do list and have some much-needed time with my firstborn. My efficient, get-it-done mode kicked in as I grabbed a large coffee, picked up my shopping list, and headed for Target with Mackenzie.

Would you believe I got all the shopping done in less than an hour? (That’s one upside of a limited budget.) I stuffed all my packages in the car, and we started for home, my mind already racing ahead to what I needed to do next.

But then, as we drove, I fell into a conversation with Mackenzie.

She shared with me some ideas she’d been writing about in her blog—thoughts about her experience of being an adult child from a divorced family, about taking responsibility for her life, and about the meaning of Christmas. Her insights were profound, thoughtful, seasoned with both pain and maturity. And by the time we pulled up in my driveway, time had stilled. All my concerns about shopping and cooking and making Christmas happen had faded.

“Mom,” Mackenzie said to me there in the car, “Christ came when we didn’t acknowledge Him, when we weren’t grateful, when we were blind to our need and determined to have our own way. He came when we didn’t think we needed Him. And Mom, I am learning that He still comes, no matter what. He comes to free us from the failure of our lives, from the broken promises that seem to define us. He says, ‘I saw you in your need. And I still see you. I am restoring all you thought was lost, all you have grieved and left behind. For with Me, all things are new.’”

I am fully convinced I experienced a miracle that morning through the life of my young adult daughter. With her words, with who she is, Mackenzie unwrapped my Christmas gift from the God who sees me. She helped me shift my perspective from anxiety over what needed to happen to peace over what God has done in all our lives.

“Well, we can take the tree down now, because Christmas has already happened,” I told Jerry when I walked into the house that day. Jerry smiled when I explained what had happened in the car. “Christmas is more than what hangs on that tree,” he said. “He hung on the tree. He is the gift.”

Jesus gave and still gives us the miracle of a perspective change. Right in the middle of the messiness of life, He still comes. He still reveals Himself to our longing eyes.

 

Adapted from The God Who Sees You, by Tammy Maltby (with Anne Christian Buchanan), coming in May 2012 from David C. Cook publishers. You can preorder now at Amazon.com

Finding Your Own Style

Thank you Bonnie Gray for allowing me to guest post on Faith Barista!

Her blog is just fantastic.

Need a word of encourgment as you reach out to others today?

Remember start simply but simply start.

My style of hospitality, a la chocolate teddy grahams (your fave too?)

FAITH BARISTA'S BLOG ANNIVERSARY IS HERE !
** LIFEGIVING BOOK GIVEAWAY **
To celebrate, I'm giving away a book that has been inspirational to me.
This faith-encouraging book by Tammy Maltby is about living a beautiful life. 

Enter the Lifegiving Book Giveway At The End Of Today's Post !
* Congratulations to By Grace Alone Giveaway winner #114 - Jeri T.* 

Today, I have a treat for us.

A special friend who has encouraged me in my faith journey is here to help celebrate the blog’s anniversary.

That’s right.  Speaker, author, and media personality, Tammy Maltby from The Lifegiving Woman, is in the house as guest barista!

I first met Tammy through her faith-inspiring book Lifegiving:  Discovering Secrets to a Beautiful Life.

I was feeling drained and discouraged. Why did God put all these passions in me, without the opportunity to fulfill them?

I was a thirty-something mom, touting a three-year-old and newborn boys, encountering a crisis of faith.  Tammy’s book reminded me I already had what I needed to be lifegiving:  my faith.  She got me brainstorming. 

How can I express God’s unique lifegiving ways in me — my personality, quirkiness, things I loved and things I didn’t — right where I’m at now?

One of them was writing.  Another was hospitality.

Now, before you think I’m Miss Martha Stewart wanna-be, lemme stop and allow Tammy to share her encouragement on hospitality.

As you read her words, don’t just limit hospitality to food.

Hospitality to me also meant words and writing.   It was one of the inspirations behind Faith Barista.  I wanted to create a welcoming place where your journey of faith is valued and celebrated.

To you, hospitality can mean something else.

God’s lifegiving expression… Uniquely yours…

Okay. Enough talking by me.

Tammy, thank you for being here to serve up a special faith brew.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Finding Your Own Style of Hospitality”
by Tammy Maltby

My friend Lynn Brown is one of most hospitable women I know.

She entertains frequently, hosts Bible studies in her home, and is always inviting someone over for a snack. Her motto is “have a cookie, make a friend.” She and her husband often open their home to young women who need special nurturing. I’ve seen so many lives transformed through Lynn’s ministry of hospitality.

But it almost didn’t happen...

Please ck on Bonnie's blog to enjoy the rest of the story....and recipe for the day!

http://www.faithbarista.com/2011/08/finding-your-own-style-of-hospitality-guest-post-by-lifegiving-author-tammy-maltby/

Obsession

I woke up this morning with one question on my heart. What is my obsession? And how is it going?

Just read this devotional by James Ryle . Fantastic perspective on why our obsession is such hard work. I needed this. I bet you do too.

The Triumphant Trudge

June 29th, 2011 James Ryle

“They shall walk, and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:31)
 
Deep in the heart of every person is a passionate desire to know that he or she is fulfilling the purpose for which they have been placed here on this earth.
 
Have you found it? Found that one thing that is worthy of your one life?
 

 
Dwight D. Eisenhower said, “We succeed in life as in war, only as we are able to identify a single, over-riding objective, and then bend all other considerations to that one thing.”
 
What one thing overrides all other considerations in your life? What noble purpose has captured your spirit? What deep resolve beats in your heart? What great decision has won your full allegiance in life?
 
Assuming that you have indeed found it, let me now ask — how’s it going? If you’ve been at it for any appreciable length of time then you know by now that the journey is no cake walk.
 
It is not a stroll through the park on a blissful Sunday afternoon. No. The path has many turns – up turns and down turns, ditches on both sides, potholes aplenty, and mounds of debris inconveniently strewn all about.
 
There are setbacks that stall you, and obstacles that intimidate you. There are bystanders that deride you, backsliders that dismay you, and back-stabbers that dishearten you. There are days when you walk with a company of passionate pilgrims who buoy your spirit with renewed aspiration, and then there are the days when you walk the lonesome valley all by yourself. Alone.
 
You, my friend, are on the Triumphant Trudge! To trudge, according to Webster, is “to walk steadily, and sometimes laboriously; but ever onward.” Isaiah’s poetry says it best, “They shall walk, and not faint.” That is, they shall not tire though the way at times be wearisome.
 
This will always be the case in every soul who follows Christ up Calvary’s mountain. Despite the trudge of each deliberate step, an unmistakable tone of triumph attends their every move – for each move is always onward, and ever upward. And the Lord who has gone victorious before us will welcome us with open arms on the day we cross over the finish line.

How can I forgive this?

I don't know of anything more difficult then the on going issue of forgiveness.

I must say the more I read and live, the more I am learning true forgivness is a daily choice.

And it is a choice to live free.

Seth Barnes sent out this ariticle tonight from the Mayo Clinic. (http://www.sethbarnes.com/?filename=fighting-pure-evil-finding-grace)  It focuses on the reality of how to let go of anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge to how to embrace forgiveness and move forward. 

It is not only practical in nature it is powerful in spirit.

I hope it will encourage you as much as it did me.

Forgiveness: How to let go of grudges and bitterness

When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge or embrace forgiveness and move forward.

Katherine M. Piderman, Ph.D.

---

Nearly everyone has been hurt by the actions or words of another. Your mother criticized your parenting skills. Your friend gossiped about you. Your partner had an affair. These wounds can leave you with lasting feelings of anger, bitterness and even vengeance. But when you don’t practice forgiveness, you may be the one who pays most dearly. By embracing forgiveness, you embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy. Here, Katherine M. Piderman, Ph.D., staff chaplain at Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minn., discusses forgiveness and how it can lead you down the path of physical, emotional and spiritual well-being.What is forgiveness?

There’s no one definition of forgiveness. But in general, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentments and thoughts of revenge. Forgiveness is the act of untying yourself from thoughts and feelings that bind you to the offense committed against you. This can reduce the power these feelings otherwise have over you, so that you can a live freer and happier life in the present. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.

Doesn’t forgiving someone mean you’re forgetting or condoning what happened?

Absolutely not! Forgiving isn’t the same as forgetting what happened to you. The act that hurt or offended you may always remain a part of your life. But forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life. Forgiveness also doesn’t mean that you deny the other person’s responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn’t minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act.

What are the benefits of forgiving someone?

Researchers have recently become interested in studying the effects of being unforgiving and being forgiving. Evidence is mounting that holding on to grudges and bitterness results in long-term health problems. Forgiveness, on the other hand, offers numerous benefits, including:

• Lower blood pressure
• Stress reduction
• Less hostility
• Better anger management skills
• Lower heart rate
• Lower risk of alcohol or substance abuse
• Fewer depression symptoms
• Fewer anxiety symptoms
• Reduction in chronic pain
• More friendships
• Healthier relationships
• Greater religious or spiritual well-being
• Improved psychological well-being

Why do we hold grudges and become resentful and unforgiving?

The people most likely to hurt us are those closest to us — our partners, friends, siblings and parents. When we’re hurt by someone we love and trust — whether it’s a lie, betrayal, rejection, abuse or insult — it can be extremely difficult to overcome. And even minor offenses can turn into huge conflicts. When you experience hurt or harm from someone’s actions or words, whether this is intended or not, you may begin experiencing negative feelings such as anger, confusion or sadness, especially when it’s someone close to you. These feelings may start out small. But if you don’t deal with them quickly, they can grow bigger and more powerful. They may even begin to crowd out positive feelings. Grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility take root when you dwell on hurtful events or situations, replaying them in your mind many times. Soon, you may find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. You may feel trapped and may not see a way out. It’s very hard to let go of grudges at this point and instead you may remain resentful and unforgiving.

How do I know it’s time to try to embrace forgiveness?

When we hold on to pain, old grudges, bitterness and even hatred, many areas of our lives can suffer. When we’re unforgiving, it’s we who pay the price over and over. We may bring our anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience. Our lives may be so wrapped up in the wrong that we can’t enjoy the present. Other signs that it may be time to consider forgiveness include:

• Dwelling on the events surrounding the offense
• Hearing from others that you have a chip on your shoulder or that you’re wallowing in self-pity
• Being avoided by family and friends because they don’t enjoy being around you
• Having angry outbursts at the smallest perceived slights
• Often feeling misunderstood
• Drinking excessively, smoking or using drugs to try to cope with your pain
• Having symptoms of depression or anxiety
• Being consumed by a desire for revenge or punishment
• Automatically thinking the worst about people or situations
• Regretting the loss of a valued relationship
• Feeling like your life lacks meaning or purpose
• Feeling at odds with your religious or spiritual beliefs

The bottom line is that you may often feel miserable in your current life.

How do I reach a state of forgiveness?

Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change. It can be difficult and it can take time. Everyone moves toward forgiveness a little differently. One step is to recognize the value of forgiveness and its importance in our lives at a given time. Another is to reflect on the facts of the situation, how we’ve reacted, and how this combination has affected our lives, our health and our well-being. Then, as we are ready, we can actively choose to forgive the one who has offended us. In this way, we move away from our role as a victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in our lives. Forgiveness also means that we change old patterns of beliefs and actions that are driven by our bitterness. As we let go of grudges, we’ll no longer define our lives by how we’ve been hurt, and we may even find compassion and understanding.

What happens if I can’t forgive someone?

Forgiveness can be very challenging. It may be particularly hard to forgive someone who doesn’t admit wrong or doesn’t speak of their sorrow. Keep in mind that the key benefits of forgiveness are for you. If you find yourself stuck, it may be helpful to take some time to talk with a person you’ve found to be wise and compassionate, such as a spiritual leader, a mental health provider or an unbiased family member or friend. It may also be helpful to reflect on times you’ve hurt others and on those who have forgiven you. As you recall how you felt, it may help you to understand the position of the person who hurt you. It can also be beneficial to pray, use guided meditation or journal. In any case, if the intention to forgive is present, forgiveness will come in its time.

Does forgiveness guarantee reconciliation?

Not always. In some cases, reconciliation may be impossible because the offender has died. In other cases, reconciliation may not be appropriate, especially if you were attacked or assaulted. But even in those cases, forgiveness is still possible, even if reconciliation isn’t. On the other hand, if the hurtful event involved a family member or friend whose relationship you otherwise value, forgiveness may lead to reconciliation. This may not happen quickly, as you both may need time to re-establish trust. But in the end, your relationship may very well be one that is rich and fulfilling.

What if I have to interact with the person who hurt me but I don’t want to?

These situations are difficult. If the hurt involves a family member, it may not always be possible to avoid him or her entirely. You may be invited to the same family holiday gatherings, for instance. If you’ve reached a state of forgiveness, you may be able to enjoy these gatherings without bringing up the old hurts. If you haven’t reached forgiveness, these gatherings may be tense and stressful for everyone, particularly if other family members have chosen sides in the conflict.

So how do you handle this? First, remember that you do have a choice whether to attend or not attend family get-togethers. Respect yourself and do what seems best. If you choose to go, don’t be surprised by a certain amount of awkwardness and perhaps even more intense feelings. It’s important to keep an eye on those feelings. You don’t want them to lead you to be unjust or unkind in return for what was done to you. Also, avoid drinking too much alcohol as a way to try to numb your feelings or feel better — it’ll likely backfire. And keep an open heart and mind. People do change, and perhaps the offender will want to apologize or make amends. You also may find that the gathering helps you to move forward with forgiveness.

How do I know when I’ve truly forgiven someone?

Forgiveness may result in sincerely spoken words such as “I forgive you” or tender actions that fit the relationship. But more than this, forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life. The offense is no longer front and center in your thoughts or feelings. Your hostility, resentment and misery have made way for compassion, kindness and peace. Also, remember that forgiveness often isn’t a one-time thing. It begins with a decision, but because memories or another set of words or actions may trigger old feelings, you may need to recommit to forgiveness over and over again.

What if the person I’m forgiving doesn’t change?

Getting the other person to change their actions, behavior or words isn’t the point of forgiveness. In fact, the other person may never change or apologize for the offense. Think of forgiveness more about how it can change your life — by bringing you more peace, happiness, and emotional and spiritual healing. Forgiveness takes away the power the other person continues to wield in your life. Through forgiveness, you choose to no longer define yourself as a victim. Forgiveness is done primarily for yourself, and less so for the person who wronged you.

What if I’m the one who needs forgiveness?

It may help to spend some time thinking about the offense you’ve committed and trying to determine the effect it has had on others. Unless it may cause more harm or distress, consider admitting the wrong you’ve done to those you’ve harmed, speaking of your sincere sorrow or regret, and specifically asking for forgiveness — without making excuses. But if this seems unwise because it may further harm or distress, don’t do it — it’s not about making yourself feel better by apologizing. You don’t want to add salt to a painful wound. Also, keep in mind that you can’t force someone to forgive you. They will need to move to forgiveness in their own time.

In any case, we have to be willing to forgive ourselves. Holding on to resentment against yourself can be just as toxic as holding on to resentment against someone else. Recognize that poor behavior or mistakes don’t make you worthless or bad. Accept the fact that you — like everyone else — aren’t perfect. Accept yourself despite your faults. Admit your mistakes. Commit to treating others with compassion, empathy and respect. And again, talking with a spiritual leader, mental health provider or trusted friend or relative may be helpful.

Forgiveness of yourself or someone else, though not easy, can transform your life. Instead of dwelling on the injustice and revenge, instead of being angry and bitter, you can move toward a life of peace, compassion, mercy, joy and kindness.

 

“Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven. Luke 6:37

Our comings and goings

Your Father knows what you need before you ask... (Matthew 6)

The love of the Father embraces not just the return of the son but also the leaving of his child...In a very deep way we are, in our lives, often leaving and returning. This isn't just a one-time event; it's an ongoing experience. Today, get in touch with your own leavings and returnings. I believe that in a very deep sense, one has to be convinced of God's love in order to take the risk of leaving once in a while...It's important to understand that God's love fills you and surrounds you whether you are leaving or returning, and that God waits with longing to welcome you on your return.

 Henry Nouwen

Old Pain

I am flying home right now from the amazing women’s conference I spoke at called Hearts at Home. I spent the weekend with almost 5 thousand women who were learning new ways of walking out life as a mom.

I noticed something interesting.

Old pain looks different then new pain.

Many mom’s events I speak to are full of fresh earnest somewhat fearful moms. They want to do it all right…they want the steps to raising a great child and having a happy marriage. They expect if they do all the right stuff…they will be successful.

I remember that place.

But this weekend was different. Not only were there thousands of young amazing moms there were thousands of mom’s that had done all that…and found life and motherhood wanting. Their marriages were hurting, their kids weren’t performing and they weren’t settling for easy answers to complicated realities.

They had old pain.

I wanted to sit with these women for hours…talking about true life, the disappointments that naturally befall all of us and learning to walk with a limp. They had wisdom born from the pain. They were still pressing on and had a depth and awareness that was incredibly beautiful.

They are my favorite kind of women…broken women with old pain.

And here is the deal. As one woman told me, “There are basically two choices I have. To live fully in my pain and trust God for my unmet needs…or become bitter controlling and stuck. Quite frankly I choose to walk with a limp.”

How on earth did this woman get to such a lifegiving place?  I believe the key was in her words “To live fully in my pain.” That means not running away, not blaming, not defecting, not pretending. It means living with courage that God will actually show up, that He sees us daily and He has a beautiful plan to make us more like Him.

Do you have some old pain? Let it produce hope in you my friend. Old pain in the hands of a great God can produce untold beauty.

Remember...God sees you.

So we glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

Romans 5:3-6 

 

 

 

We All Need Permission to Fail

Because we all will.

It is a real part of the success of our lives. As parents and coaches of the next generation it is vital that we continue to encourage and stretch those we love (and yes that includes ourselves) to live beyond ourselves.

I have often said you never know what is waiting on the other side of your obedience. God does.

Seth Barns president of AIM (Adventures in Missions) posted this a while back and it contained such truth and freedom. I pray it will for you too.

Failure need not be final. Failure is a temporary set back. You have been given all the permission you need to enter into the life you have been called to live.

1. Permission to come aboard

• You're a child of the king - that's your identity.
• You were made to destroy the works of evil - a warrior.
• You're a citizen of the kingdom - join the tribe.

2. Permission to dream

• God made you a dreamer. It's normal to dream. Daydreams and night dreams. We ask "what if?"
• They were actually his dreams first. We were made in God's image and dream because he does.
• The world needs them. The world is broken and God has sent us to set it right again. It all starts with a dream.

3.    Permission to fail

• We've all failed. Failing is a part of learning. We rarely get it right the first time. It's called practice. Even Mozart hit the wrong notes sometimes. Get over your perfectionism - it doesn't serve the world.
• God says we're strongest where we're weak. If we feel inadequate, that's a good thing - we'll depend on him.
• The faster you fail, the greater your ultimate success. It takes a certain number of iterations for muscle memory to kick in. Once you've got more experience with the pain of failure, your fear of failure diminishes. Ask, "What's the worst that can happen?"

4.    Permission to succeed

What permission do you feel you need? You succeeding doesn't have to be an ego trip. God built you to win, to crush the enemy under your heel. Setting the captives free is success; when you do that, it's not about you, but the person you freed. So get over yourself and remember what Marianne Williamson wrote.

Our Deepest Fear (by Marianne Williamson)

 

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.

Hearts at Home!

National Conference
Bloomington-Normal, IL  |  March 11-12, 2011

Hearts at Home!

http://www.hearts-at-home.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=281&Itemid=187

Sooo looking forward to next weekend at the Hearts at Home  women's event in Normal Ill!! Hope to see you all there. Here is my gig...but ck out all the speakers and topics...what a wonderful resource for women!

 

Tammy Maltby

Author, speaker, and media (TV, radio, online) personality Tammy Maltby sums up·her·multifaceted message in·one word: encouragement. For those struggling with·difficult circumstances·and those yearning for a more lovely and welcoming lifestyle, she offers practical, uplifting “you can do it!" guidance.·A wife, mother of four grown kids, and grandmother of one, Tammy lives in Colorado.

http://itsagoodlife.tv/

111 - The God Who Sees You – Tammy Maltby

How do we handle life when disappointment, pain, and a weary heart seem to stalk us day after day? Does no one care? Does anyone see my hard work, my family pain, my feelings of rejection, my fear? Knowing that God sees us and deeply cares about the details of our life can be more than enough. Tammy Maltby invites you to:

• see the unseen God who sees all your unseen actions
• let go of fear that other people will reject you if they know your failures and imperfections
• embrace the hope and choose the joy that awaits you when you trust He is intimately aware of your journey.

Spiritual Growth

112 - Lifegiving Hospitality…Start Simply but Simply Start! – Tammy Maltby

Tammy believes hospitality is not just for those with gorgeous homes, professional cooking skills, or special gifts. It’s for anyone who wants to live a fuller, more outward life. And all you need is a willingness to start simply…but simply start. Tammy offers:

• A fresh perspective on the art of hospitality
• Step by step demos for killer recipes that will impress everyone…without wearing you out
• Cost-saving—and fun—techniques for cooking and decorating
• Confidence that “you can do it”—and you’ll love every minute

Parenting - General

If I am honest, trusting in the dark is such hard work

I don't know about you, but I have plenty of times when I just can't see God. I can’t hear or perceive Him. I feel like I am in a fog. Life feels overwhelming God seems so distant. Or worse I wonder if He really desires to be seen...if He wants to hear my cry. Is he unmoved...unaware?

I just get so weary.

I love God and yes I try to trust Him. Yet there are still so many times I am literally God-blind. God-deaf. Unable to perceive His presence. If I am honest, trusting in the dark is such hard work.

This week has been one of those weeks for me. A very dear long time friend will bury her son tomorrow. Her 23 year old healthy beautiful loving son.

Did you read that? Feel that?

The most severe test a mother could ever face.  This woman has prayed and loved her children as her own life. She has sacrificed and trusted God. Her world has stopped dead in its tracks. Her life will never be the same.

The grief cloud was ominous and demanding as we entered her home Sunday. I kept saying Merciful Father…bring your mercy…. your peace. Let her see YOU….

As I was leaving her room after hours of embracing her profound pain I glanced up and saw it.

I had to look twice. Yet I kept on moving towards the mirror.

I saw Him.

Months earlier she wrote in large marker print on her bathroom mirror...

Your children are His and not the devil’s and you can make a case for them before the throne of God. We have the power and authority satan does not. God provides for His children and we are His children. For I have no greater joy than to know my children are walking in truth. God knows the end of this story and His children win.

Amidst the dark lingering fog of fear, doubt, pain and not knowing...I saw. I saw Him. I saw His promise. I saw that He had given her a gift long before she knew how desperately she would need it. Both she and her son had won. We win…because we are His.

NOTHING can take us out of His hand...our names are written on His palm...Nothing can separate us from His love.

When circumstances cloud the reality of His ongoing work and passionate love for you know that He sees you. Though the battle rages on, the war so intense and the dark fog of life circumstances try to derail you…nothing escapes His watchful eye.

Wherever you find yourself today my friend, whatever you carry He sees you and if you are His…you win.

Do you not know?

Have you not heard?

The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

(Isaiah 40:28-31)

 

The Doors

                   
“The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.”
 Flora Whittemore

I would rather contribute than criticize

A new persecptive on Valentine's Day

My sister Twyla sent me the most amazing blog written by Brene Brown. Goodness me does she have a lot to say about living vulnerably courage and love.

This quote deeply moved me...

"In a culture that tells us that being imperfect is synonymous with being inadequate, and that being vulnerable is being weak, it is so much easier to criticize than it is to contribute. "

And isn't that the truth!

Today...of course being Valentine's Day I am choosing to be a woman who looks for ways to contribute rather than taking the easy road of criticizing. It is amazing how quickly a negative and unkind word can spill from our mouths. (At least for me!) Our unmet expections can get us snagged in ungratefulness and a critical spirit. Today being a day which focuses of loving, serving and surprising....I choose to enter in with a happy "value added" heart.

Here are some ways I am practicing this today.

1. Woke up this morning and read a devotional on joy. I asked God to help me choose joy  and I invited him to control my thoughts and mind. (Prov 17:22) AMP

2. Thought though the love languages of my husband and children. Planned to express this love  in one meaningful way today. I am choosing to be intentional.

3.  Called three friends whom I know will have a challenge today...all of them are struggling with broken hearts. One has just gone though a divorce, another is a widow of 8 years and another a young college woman who's heart has just been devastated over a recent breakup.

How about you?

I encourage you to find three ways to contribute life, love and hope today into the hearts of just one. Start simply friend...but simply start.

And Happy Valentine's Day!

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Brene-Brown/188471851167932

 

Quit holding out. Quit holding back. Quit running away.

Reading the book “In a Pit With A Lion On A Snowy Day”, by Mark Batterson. Down right profound. A must read for 2011.

Here is what Mark calls this the “Lion Chaser Manifesto”.



"Quit living as if the purpose of life is to arrive safely at death.

Grab life by the mane.

Set God-sized goals.

Pursue God-ordained passions.

Go after a dream that is destined to fail without divine intervention.

Keep asking questions.

Keep making mistakes.

Keep seeking God.

Stop pointing out problems and become part of the solution.

Stop repeating the past and start creating the future.

Stop playing it safe and start taking risks. Accumulate experiences.

Consider the lilies.

Find every excuse you can to celebrate everything you can.

Don’t let what’s wrong with you keep you from worshipping what’s right with God.

Burn sinful bridges.

Blaze new trails.

Criticize by creating.

Worry less about what people think and more about what God thinks.

Don’t try to be who you’re not. Be yourself. Laugh at yourself.

Quit holding out.

Quit holding back.

Quit running away."

This man hears the truth...now God give me the grace to live it....

 

 

When evil is spoken of you

Learning to live beyond the pain.

I had a dear friend share with me today how brokenhearted she is over someone's lies and divisive schemes. She is struggling with how to practically walk this out as a Christian...

Here is my simple response. I would love to hear yours.

Proverbs 6:16-19, "These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren."

Well if God says he HATES these things foolish is the person that believes they are above God's law and awareness. He' not kidding around with this kind of stuff.

Let me just encourage you with this. I have lived under the lies of a foolish but persuasive person for years...public words of profound character assassination....deception...misrepresentation....a person deviseth wicked imaginations...a false witness that speaketh lies...someone that was actually trying to destroy me as a person. Crazy as it sounds they talk God talk...profess to be a Christ follower...and generally use spiritual words to manipulate and control others.

One day God said to me..."Your weakest position is defending yourself. What you birth in the flesh you will need to keep alive in the flesh...what you allow me to birth in the Spirit I will keep alive in the Spirit. Trust me with your reputation."

I needed to stop being a man pleaser and start fearing the truth of what God has said.

Not an easy undertaking and very difficult at best. But God has proven this to be true and oh the freedom it produces. A person's true intentions will always be revealed. Time will be the test. The reality of one's heart will always come forth...that is why God has told us He will not be mocked.

For someone to attempt to deceive others they themselves must be deceived.

"Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest thou also be like unto him." Proverbs

Dying of Thirst

‘Are you not thirsty’ said the Lion.

‘I’m dying of thirst,’ said Jill.

‘Then drink’ said the Lion.

‘May I—could I—would you mind going away while I do?’ said Jill.

The lion answered this only by a look and a very low growl. . . .

‘I daren’t come and drink,’ said Jill.

‘Then you will die of thirst,’ said the Lion.

‘Oh dear!’ said Jill, coming another step nearer. I suppose I

must go and look for another stream then.’

There is no other stream,’ said the Lion.

—C.S. Lewis

Releasing the life we planned to embrace the life that is waiting for us.

The Truth of Restoration

We all want our hearts to be healed.

But once you’ve been traumatized  you just can’t bear the thought that it could happen again. Everything in you tells you to hunker down, to cut your losses, to settle for a little bit of happiness. That’s when you need to act counter-intuitively, pick up your life again and move on down the road.

You need to choose the work of restoration.

There are times when I’d rather do almost anything other than the hard work of restoration and recovery. And what is that work? It’s the equivalent of ordering timber and bricks and starting to build the walls of hope again in our lives.

It means being willing to release the life we planned to embrace the life that is waiting for us.

Here are just a few things it has entailed in my life:

• The work of hope—which means being willing to say you need restoration and actually asking for the help you need.
• The work of waiting on the Lord—quieting down my life so I can hear...trusting his timing...staying in curiosity and out of judgment as to what God is doing.
• The work of honesty and transparency. In the aftermath of trauma, that could mean shouting at God and telling him how you feel. It can mean refusing to put on a happy face and insisting that everything is all right. There are certainly times when you need to control your feelings for the sake of others. But your restoration absolutely depends on finding a place to confess your honest thoughts and feelings—at very least, in prayer, in a journal, or with a few friends who are close to you.
• The work of “controlling the wild horses.” I love the way my friend Emily describes this.  She’s referring to that tendency we all have, but trauma victims have more than most, to let our “vain imaginations” run away with us. If we give in just a little to fear, panic and worry, those emotions can quickly take control of our lives. So while we need to be honest with our feelings, we also need to be alert to the ways our thoughts can run away with us and learn to short-circuit the runaway thoughts. In the process, as the apostle Paul describes, we move toward being ‘transformed by the renewing of our minds.'
• The work of obedience instead of instinct. Our instincts can serve us well in the early moments of trauma. A “fight or flight” response could actually save our lives in an accident. But as we move from survival toward restoration, our instincts can being to get in the way of what God wants to do with our lives. Your instinct may be to pull away and withdraw when you need to press in to relationships…or to hang on too tightly when you need to let people make their own mistakes.  I tend to rush in to 'fix' things instead of waiting on God’s timing. But I’m learning obedience sometimes has to trump instinct in this too. We have to act on the light we’re given, do what we know to do. And all this takes both courage and discipline.
• The work of forgiveness. Bill Ritter sums this up beautifully: “Sooner or later, you will have to forgive what you can’t understand. For you may never figure it out. Or even if you do, the conclusions you reach in your head may not necessarily heal what you feel in your heart. The only way out of your pain may be to start splashing forgiveness in every direction…forgiving the one who [caused the trauma]…forgiving yourself for anything you did or didn’t do, just before it happened…forgiving God for allowing it, or not stopping it…and even forgiving circumstances for being so damn hard and weighted against you.” [1]
• The work of gratitude. This is simply looking for signs of God’s presence in our lives and resolving, by choosing to “give thanks in all things.”
• The work of modeling faith and integrity. This does not mean faking a faith, covering up our doubts, or sacrificing our integrity to our witness. In fact, it means the exact opposite. As God walks us toward restoration, it’s good to realize that others—our children especially—are watching the way we walk, and how we live into our own restoration can have a powerful impact on their relationship to God. The more honestly and trustingly we can walk, the more integrity we manage, the more we confess our mistakes but accept forgiveness…the more others will be blessed and helped.

I cannot tell you how the work of restoration will look in your life. Or how God will grow you though your times of sorrow or loss. But I know He will...He will grow you into healing...He will grow you into wholeness...and He will use your hard work of recovery to bring forth his (amazing might I say) grace.

 

 

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[1] Bill Ritter, Take the Dimness of My Soul Away: Healing After a Loved One’s Suicide (Harrisburg, PA: Morehouse, 2004), 49.