The Discipline of Restoration

Do not pity the dead, pity the living and above all those who live without love"

- Albus Dumbledore

What does it take to move forward after a time of trauma and crisis? In my experience, it takes both grace and discipline. Restoration is truly a gift of God, but it also requires effort and intention on our part. They are deliberate choices that really make a difference. The following “disciplines” have helped me tremendously as I tried to recover from devastating difficulties in my life:

• Discipline #1: Hope. The discipline of hope involves saying yes to your restoration and actually asking for what you need. It also involves choosing hope as an attitude when it’s far removed from what you’re actually feeling.
• Discipline #2: Trust. It’s always a conscious choice, a true discipline, to remember what you know of God’s character and to hold on to the reality that God sees you. During hard times, it’s even more of a challenge, but it’s the key to experiencing God’s comfort. The Psalms often speak of God as a refuge, a hiding place. But you can’t experience this great gift unless you choose to trust Him.
• Discipline #3: Waiting and watching. This involves listening in stillness, waiting on the Lord, trusting His timing, actively looking for the signs of His presence and His activity. . . . For me, this kind of watchful silence is sometimes the most strenuous discipline of all.
• Discipline #4: Honesty and transparency. In the aftermath of trauma, that could mean shouting at God and telling Him how you feel. It can mean refusing to put on a happy face or . . . insist that everything is all right when it isn’t. There are certainly times when you need to control your feelings for the sake of others. But your restoration absolutely depends on finding a place to confess your honest thoughts and feelings—at very least, in prayer, in a journal, or with a few friends who are close to you.
• Discipline #5: “Controlling the wild horses.” I love the way my friend Emily Davis, who has endured more trauma than most people I know, describes this. She’s referring to that tendency we all have, but trauma victims have more than most, to let our “vain imaginations” run away with us (see Romans 1:21–22 KJV). If we give in just a little to fear and panic and worry, those emotions can quickly take control of our lives. So while we need to be honest with our feelings, we also need to be alert to the ways our thoughts can run away with us and learn to rein in the runaway thoughts.
• Discipline #6: Obedience instead of instinct. Our instincts can serve us well in the early moments of trauma. A “fight or flight” response could actually save our lives in an accident. But as we move from survival toward restoration, our instincts can begin to get in the way of what God wants to do with our lives. Your instinct may be to pull away and withdraw when you need to press in to relationships. . . . Because I am an active, “can do” type of person, I tend to rush in instead of waiting on God’s timing. But I’m learning (slowly!) that obedience sometimes has to trump instinct in this, too. We have to act on the light we’re given, do what we know to do. And all this takes both courage and discipline.
• Discipline #7: Forgiveness. This is perhaps the most difficult of the disciplines … and the most healing. It’s not something you can accomplish all at once or something you can do without God’s help. But the more you move toward forgiveness, the more you free yourself to move forward in your life.
• Discipline #8: Gratitude. This means simply looking for signs of God’s presence in our lives and resolving, by an act of will, to give thanks in all things (see 1 Thess. 5:18). Doing this even when it feels forced or artificial has a way of opening our eyes and shifting our perspective to see what God is doing.
• Discipline #9: Modeling faith and integrity. This absolutely does not mean faking a faith, covering up doubts, or sacrificing our integrity to our witness. But it’s good to realize that the way we live our own restoration can have a powerful impact on other people’s relationships with God. The more honestly and trustingly we can walk, the more integrity we manage, the more we confess our mistakes but accept forgiveness … the more others will be blessed and helped, and the more full our own restoration will be.

 

Adapted from The God Who Sees You by Tammy Maltby (with Anne Christian Buchanan). Copyright 2012 David C. Cook. Used with permission. Permission required to reproduce. All rights reserved.

Comments

[wanda]

Tammy
I'm so excited that I found you! Your book is amazing, I'm reading it right now and I blogged about it today.
I'm planning to share it with anyone who'll listen to me brag!

You are a gifted lady. Thank you for your sweet heart and love for Christ. I'm blessed because of your willingness to do what you do.

[Tammy Maltby]

Thank you so much Wanda. What is the address of your blog? I would love to read it! Warmest blessings...t

[Richard Davis]

It is true! We should not get worry of the dead because they are there with the Almighty Father. Pity the living and above all those who live without love because they are experiencing the biggest tragedy of life.

[John]

Hello Tammy:

My girl friend, purchased " The God Who Sees You" this summer
we were working on our life togather. Yet after reading your book
she did'nt want to share or discuss area's of her life choices.
I do pray God will give her a will to release all to him.
She stated this morning it's over for her and I, before this happened she instructed me to Trust her not Question her of her
friends or behaviors or choices.
Thanks for having The Holy Spirit guiding your message for your
books.

[pcb design]

Thanks for such an informative article and the extensive explanation, it's been very useful.

[tammy maltby]

John I thank you for your note. I pray God's strong grace and mercy surrounds both of you and God's wisdom guides the way. Warmest blessings.

[tammy maltby]

Thank you!!

[tammy maltby]

Thank you for your note Richard.

[grayson mcKoy]

i agree with Modeling faith and integrit which is the 9th one,as i highly double that faith needs not to be faked similar to like when you want to know how to build muscle fast without steroids. steroids make you look fabulous at start but its FAKE effects bring only bad effects to you in the end.